Tears at breakfast... Lizzie died 6 yrs. ago today:((

I saw a package of seeds (for green beans) laying on the table this morning at breakfast, as I sipped my coffee. All of the sudden, my mind went back several years (maybe 2003?) to a time when my younger sister Elizabeth (Liz or Lizzie) was sick for weeks, and trying-- as a single mom of five young children-- to care for them while being ill. I worked full-time as a music teacher, but when I found out her dilemna, I made a home-made beef stew, snapping some beans from our own little garden, to add to the other vegetables.



I also made no-bake cookies (Liz & her kids' favorite) and took the goodies over to her house-- feeling AWFUL that she'd been so cavelier about her condition-- suffering silently, as she did much of the time-- that I didn't even know she was sick for the first two weeks. (We only lived about 10 miles apart.)


When I arrived and took the food in, Liz said with grateful, teary eyes, "That's the most 'Christian' thing anyone's ever done for me." I felt even WORSE, that apparently no one else had reached out to this single mom, none one seemed to know... But, as her SISTER, I certainly felt badly that I didn't visit her more, spend more time, etc. And, it wasn't home-made lasagna with garlic bread or even chicken fajitas... it was just a one-pot hamburger stew. Just a small step up from sandwiches, I figured. Only with home-grown green beans. :))  Hindsight...

In the middle of this 5-second flash-back sparked by the package of green bean seeds on the table, my eyes darted to the calendar on the wall... JUNE 3rd. I fell apart with sobs like I haven't had in years (well, months...)

Six years ago today Elizabeth dove into a raging river to save the life of her 9-year-old son James, who'd lost his balance in the current as he waded in to catch minnows and crawdads, while his mom and siblings were fishing. Liz was only 35 years old, home-schooled her children, to raise them as Christians, and (ironically) protect them from "the evils of th world", including from things that had happened to her as a little girl--- thus her "over-protective" nature. (She suffered some things that would make it difficult to trust anyone...)

We can't number our days... only GOD does that. No river, no disease, no terrorist or drunk driver. We MUST trust His Sovereignty... what are our choices? Live in fear everyday, or bitterness and resentment and cynicism most of the time? Or will we be comforted in God's presence, and encourage others to trust Him even when it hurts?

Lizzie knew and loved Jesus, and I have NO doubt where she is. Our dad has since joined her, just in September of 2009. She is also with the babies that she miscarried-- 3 more children to add to the five here, who are still on "this side of eternity".

Will I still cry, until Jesus comes??? OF COURSE. But my grief, OUR grief as believers, is not without hope...

Until then, thanks for your prayers. I will grieve, or rejoice, with YOU, too, my brothers and sisters.

Becky

P.S: If you haven't heard the song that Lizzie wrote (on my "No Denying" album- listen at Indie Heaven) called "Where the Lamb WIll Be the Light"-- I invite you to. She wrote it at the age of 19, and we used to sing it together. Prophetic...

Mixed feelings about my kids' new Birth Certificates

I received my (newly adopted) children's new birth certificates today, with mixed emotions. Jeffery is now 10, and little Jaycie just turned 4. (The children came to live with us 15 months ago, a foster-adoption. Kinship for Jeffery [my biological cousin] but no biological relation for his baby half-sister.)
Once again, I felt their pain, their loss-- of the birth family who "should have" loved them and raised them, of the future that they "should have" had with the birth mother who bore them-- in a perfect world. Terribly addicted to drugs and alcohol, however, she could not continue to be their mother, at least not in a parenting role. What a terrible LOSS for (now, my) children. Their extended birth family (most from West Virginia, some from Georgia) did (and does) love them, however, and I am forever grateful for the efforts they DID show to care for my babies-- until they were mine (we live in Oklahoma).

I've made 3 different DVD's for my children's birth families, sent photos, etc., and email and call the one relative (an aunt) who still has a telephone, and internet. (Most of them have neither... which many of us cannot fathom living without.) I see the TREASURES I have in this precious boy and darling little girl, and I grieve for their birth family's great loss... it must tear at their hearts that these babies are so far away, from their hugs, their familiar ways, their kisses and laughter.

All adoption (whether a newborn, from foster care, or an orphanage- or from direct relinquishment by a family you know) involves LOSS-- on the part of many parties. What is GAIN for the new parents (and "gain" for the newly adopted children- who have a future, a hope, security, provisions, LOVE in their new home) is also a loss for the children, and for their birth families.

Believe me, my children are MINE, and before the world was created, God knew that they were MEANT to be MINE. Because He also knew the choices that their birth family would make, the addictions, the neglect, and the abuse that my children would suffer before being "plucked out of the fire" and brought to a safe place... their "forever home", our home--- their home. We are all SO BLESSED to be a family, and to have each other. NO DOUBT... only compassion and empathy for my children's losses, and that of their original family.

I've been working on Life Books for each child-- a work in progress. I'd saved a page for the new birth certificates (which, as I shared, just arrived an hour ago in my mailbox). Before that page, however, are 3-4 other pages about their birth mother, fathers (different for each child), their grandmother, cousins, and aunts that I'm aware of, and with whom most of whom I deliberately still keep contact. This is for my children... they've lost enough, hurt enough, had enough "broken connections"--- I don't want their whole history to "disappear". I just want to give them as much love -- and help for healing and understanding (and forgiving)-- as I can.

May healing come... God help us all. (I know He will, and is!)

Blessings to you all. Becky Wright